Wishes We Never Meant to Make
by cereal.killings
Summary: [Set soon after Edward leaves in New Moon] If you could wish for anything in the world, what would it be? Bella would wish to have Edward back...right? Drowning in fury and pain, she wishes the impossible. No one can change the past, can they? BxE.
1. The Wish

Chapter 1: The Wish

_**Author's Note: This is just the prologue to a story I have (somewhat) planned out. Please read, review, and leave critique/compliments if you want. If I get good feedback (this includes positive comments and/or constructive criticism) I'll continute the story. Thanks!**_

"_You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true." – Richard Bach_

Bella POV:

Months flew by. October turned into November. November to December. Leaves fell and died. The first snowfall of the winter came and went. Everything lay dormant, undisturbed. 73 days. That's how long I had lived with Edward. Although I don't think I could classify my existence as living. I didn't talk to anyone, but inside I was screaming. I screamed at everyone who felt happiness. I screamed at everyone who was loved. I screamed at myself for loving _him_.

I sat by myself in biology. Weeks had passed, but I could still hear people talking about me behind my back. I couldn't bear to have an empty seat next to me, but I couldn't bring myself to sit next to anyone else. I made it habitual to place my books where Edward used to sit, to show that I was okay being alone, like I didn't need anyone. Students began to trickle into the room, talking simultaneously about their weekends, their accomplishments, their pain. _Their pain_. I always snorted when I heard someone talking about pain. They didn't know pain like I did. I sat slumped over the table, my chin resting on my left palm. I always watched the door, hoping – _just hoping_ – that Edward would walk in the classroom. The hole in my chest was gaping open. It felt rawer today, and I was sure it was noticeable. I looked down. Nope. No hole. No evidence that Edward punched his fist in my chest and ripped out my heart. I laughed bitterly to myself, and then clutched the area above my heart. Ow.

"No one's sitting hear, right?" I almost fell out of my chair in surprise. When my heart started beating again, I acknowledged the scrawny girl sitting in Edward's seat. _Why would she think anyone was sitting there? I mean, other than the fact that my books were occupying the space_, I thought bitterly.

"No," I spat. _Not anymore_, I added in my head.

"My name's Espere. I just moved here a couple days ago," her voice seemed to trail off. I guess she saw the venom in my eyes. We sat in silence, never looking at each other, never noting each other's presence. I finally mustered the courage to look at her face. Her eyes were two different colors: blue and green. She had soft brown hair, and I had the sudden urge to reach out and touch it. Her lips reminded me of Edward, and I cringed. She noticed, because before I could look away, she was talking to me again.

"Do you have a boyfriend? I used to have one, but he broke up with me. He said that it was too hard having a long distance relationship," she whispered. I guessed her wounds were still pretty fresh.

"No. I did, until he left," I replied. I thought I was doing good, talking about it, until I choked on the last word. My throat hurt. Months had passed, and I still couldn't bring myself to admit that Edward had left.

"If you could wish for anything in the world, what would it be?"

What would I wish for? If I was in a beauty pageant I would say world peace. But I wasn't; I was free to sounds as selfish as I wanted. _I would wish for Edward to come back to me_, I thought. Suddenly, I doubled over with pain. I fell to the floor, and through the earth. I was about to call up to Edward, but then I realized he wasn't there to save me. Not this time. I opened my eyes. I hadn't remembered closing them. "I wish that Edward Cullen never came to Forks High School," I mumbled.

"Done."

_**Author's Note: I know that it sounds like there will be no Edward in this fanfic, but believe me, there will be MUCHO EDWARD! (I love him too much to leave him out.)**_


	2. Bitter Reality

Chapter 2: Bitter Reality

_**Author's Note: I got the name "Espere" because it means "wish" in French. I just thought it was a cool double meaning sort of thing. And I'm also obsessed with weird and uncommon names. Anyway, please read and review! And from now on, if I have any sort of update or note (other than my wonderful author's notes) I'll put it in my profile. Happy reading!**_

"_It will be as if I never existed." – Edward Cullen_

BPOV:

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Stupid alarm clock. I rolled over in my bed and swung my arm in an attempt to turn off my alarm clock. It knocked it over on the ground, creating a loud, clamorous noise. I jumped up in shocked. I rested my head against the headboard of the bed and stared at the clock on the floor. _Edward was never that obnoxious when he tried to wake me up_, I thought.

My thoughts flickered back to biology the previous day. I was so surprised at Espere's response to my wish. She saw the shocked expression in my eyes and laughed. I thought I detected a sinister tone, but the laugh was so light, so bell-like, I remembered Alice and covered my ears. She stopped laughing and stared at me curiously. Her lips, which I now noticed were a peculiar purple tint, curled up in a dark smile.

"I would wish that my ex-boyfriend was torn apart by _sharks_." She made sure to emphasize the last word. I shuddered at the thought.

"Where did you use to live?" I gulped.

"Florida," she whispered. I thought I heard her laugh again, but it was so low, it was almost a purr. I scooted my chair away from here and tried my best to pay attention in class…and forget what I had just wished for.

After dressing in a t-shirt and jeans, I bounded down the stairs, tripping on the last step. I grabbed onto the railing to steady myself. _Thank God_. Charlie was sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee. He looked up at me and laughed.

"I don't want you in the hospital again," he joked.

"Dad, that was _two_ flights of stairs, and then out a window," I groaned. "That's _nothing_ like tripping on the last step." Charlie looked at me for what felt like the longest time. His brow creased and his mouth pulled downward.

"What?" _Huh?_

"Come on, dad. Don't tell me you forgot already."

"I was talking about the time that Tyler kid hit you with his van." Double huh? "You were in the hospital for weeks…don't you remember?" He looked worried.

"Yeah, sure dad," I lied. I turned away so he couldn't see the shocked expression on my face. "Actually, I'm not that hungry this morning. I think I'll go to school early; I have some questions to ask my teachers," I yelled as I bolted out the door.

I jumped into my truck and threw my backpack beside me. My hands gripped the steering wheel. I was sitting down, but I had the need to steady myself.

"What just happened?" I said under my breath. I slowly pulled out of the driveway, inching my way towards school. Edward did exist in my life – I remembered everything about him. So what was going on?

When I arrived at the school parking lot, I pulled into the first spot I saw. It was deathly far away from my English class, and I was sure to fell and break my ankle walking there. But I couldn't risk being so distracted with my thoughts behind the wheel. My mind played with differently possibilities of what Charlie was talking about. _Tyler never hit me_, I thought furiously. Edward was there! He existed in my life! I refused to believe that one sentence I muttered yesterday changed my past.

I cut the engine and hopped down from my perch on the seat. Mike waved at me from a couple cars down, and jogged to my side.

"Hey Bella!" he said enthusiastically. Well, at least people in school were acting normal. Suddenly, he planted a quick kiss on my cheek and grabbed my hand before I could protest. So maybe school wasn't as normal as I thought. I let him hold my hand as we walked to English. He looked so happy, and I didn't want to ruin it for him.

We arrived at English with 10 minutes to spare before class officially started. Jessica was already in her seat, talking with another girl about the weekend. She looked up at me and scowled. I realized that I was still holding Mike's hand, and wiggled out of his grasp. He slid his arm around my waist and led us to two empty desks. _Man, he's territorial_, I thought. We sat down next to each other, and I pretended to be reading something on the chalkboard in front of us. He began to fidget a lot and finally turned to me.

"Since tonight's our 10 month anniversary…" he started. I gawked at him.

"What?" I cut him off. He laughed nervously and smiled.

"You don't remember? 10 months ago we went to the "girl's choice" dance together?" Holy crow. I, Bella Swan, had been dating Mike Newton for 10 months? And I actually went to a dance? This was just too much to take in so early in the morning, and I shook my head.

"You don't remember?"

"Oh, of course I remember," I lied. "I just have a really bad headache." And heartache. I still refused to accept the fact that Edward didn't exist in my life. I watched the door to see if he, with his godlike beauty, would glide into the classroom. My attempt was in vain, because the only people that entered were some overly preppy girls and jocks with bad skin. I slowly turn to Mike, and waited a couple seconds as I mustered the courage to ask him.

"Do you know where Edward Cullen is?"

"Who?"

_**Author's Note: I was originally going to have Mike kiss Bella on the lips, but it didn't seem right.**_


	3. Unknown Desires of the Heart

**_Author's Note: This is just a really short chapter that I just had to write (and I couldn't think of a good chapter title for it…sorry.) I didn't want to have a fan fiction with limited Edward Cullen, so I decided to do some stuff from his point of view. This chapter is dripping with dramatic irony, so bear with me._**

Chapter 3: Unknown Desires of the Heart

"_Better never to have met you in my dreams than to wake and reach for hands that aren't there." – Anonymous_

EPOV:

I raced towards her, my heart beating faster and faster. It was a nice feeling after having a dead heart for almost 100 years. _Just a few more steps_, I kept telling myself. But not matter how long I ran towards her, she still stayed the same achingly far distance from me. I could see the pain in her eyes, or was it longing? The same longing I had for her, just to reach out and be able to touch her face. I closed my eyes as I continued to run. I could feel myself panting, growing tired. But I wasn't tired from running. I was tired of being alone.

My eyes flew open. When had I stopped running? I readjusted my sight, and took her in. She was standing next to me, but her expression was unreadable. So many emotions were mixed in: love, agony, pain, longing, anger. Here eyes were glazed, like she was about to cry. I extended my arm towards her cheek, and she flinched. I pulled back for a second, but continued my intention. She was so fragile. So soft. So warm. So _human_.

"Edward…" she murmured. I could only look at her. She smelled like the forest after a heavy rainfall mixed with freesia and vanilla. My hand traveled down to her neck. Oh, how I longed to drink the intoxicating blood flowing through her veins. Her eyes shot up to me. Did she know what I was thinking?

"I…"

"How could you?" It hurt more that her voice was shaking with pain instead of anger. I looked away. "Yet, I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered. I didn't know her name, but my heart exploded under her gaze. Was it possible to feel this much for someone I didn't know? I held her to me and smelled her hair. She pulled away, but only to brush her slender fingers across my eyes.

"I know. But it wasn't enough," she said. Her smile seemed to fade, and then she was gone.

I sat up from my couch. Was I just sleeping? My mind swirled around the possibility or either a spell or drugs. Whatever caused me to sleep, it was comforting. Then my mind shot back to the dream. Me? In love with a _human_? As if.

_**Author's Note:** **Yes, I know that vampires don't sleep or have beating hearts. But Edward was dreaming, and in that dream his heart was beating. It wasn't for any particular reason; I just wanted to express his adrenaline while he ran towards his dream girl (who was all know is Bella.) Also, I had him sleep so that the spell Espere cast would work…just pretend that her spell made him fall into unconsciousness. I mean, how can you change the past if someone is conscious? I think that should clear up any questions you may have, but if not, you can email me or post a review that I will respond to.**_


	4. Last Agonizing Drop of Hope

Chapter 4: Last Agonizing Drop of Hope

_**Author's Note: Don't skip over the author's notes. They explain stuff. :-P**_

_The matter standest simply thus: she MUST have known my face, my figure, my voice, for how could it be otherwise? Yet she SAID she knew me not, and that is proof perfect, for she cannot lie." – Sir Miles, _The Prince and the Pauper_ by Mark Twain_

BPOV:

"Bella, are you okay?" Mike was staring at me with wide eyes. I realized I hadn't been breathing, and gasped. My beautiful Edward had never entered my life. My mind flickered back to the day he left me in the woods. _It'll be like I never existed_, he had told me. Edward erased himself from my future, and now I erased him from my past. How could I have been so stupid? I wallowed in remorse until Mike placed his hand over mine.

"Huh? Yeah…f-fine…" I stammered. I looked up at Mike, and our eyes met for the briefest second before I looked away. I pulled my hand out from underneath his and placed it on my lap. His eye were still focused on me, and I wondered how he could care this much. How he could be trying so much to be like…_Edward_. But he didn't know Edward, did he. He wasn't trying to be anyone but himself…a doppelganger of my Edward. My mind began to race, and I moaned slightly. _Way_ too much for so early in the morning.

Classes flew by quickly. My mind was constantly preoccupied with the new world I had created for myself. Everything was the same, yet everything was _off_. So many things were different now that Edward wasn't in school. Had he really been such an impact? Lauren was acting friendlier to me, and nice as he was, Tyler refused to look me in the eyes.

Lunch finally arrived, and I raced to the cafeteria. Maybe – just maybe – the other Cullens would be there. I dashed towards the building, surprising myself by not tripping over anything. I burst through the doors and ran into Mike.

"Bella! You're in a rush. Hungry?"

"Sure. Save me a seat," I said half-heartedly. No matter how sweet Mike was acting, I couldn't bring myself to be sincere with him. Not now. Not when my life was being turned upside-down. I scanned the cafeteria looking for any of the Cullens. Their usual table was empty, and I was surprised how much their absence felt like a blow to the stomach. I shouldn't have expected any of the Cullens to be in school without Edward. But I had hoped. I had _wished_.

Espere. I had biology next. I would deal with this then. For now, I would try to pretend like everything was normal.

"So what are you and Mike going to do for your 10 month anniversary?" Angela asked as I took my place next to my boyfriend. I cringed at the though. My attention turned towards Jessica for the slightest moment, and I swear I saw her say something under her breath.

"Uh-"

"I'm taking Bella to this really nice restaurant called The Bella Italia," Mike cut in. He grinned at me, obviously pleased with himself.

My eyes widened. "No!"

"What?" He was startled at my sudden dislike of the restaurant.

"I just…I can't," I sobbed as I jumped up and fled from the cafeteria.

_**Author's Note: For those of you who don't remember (since it was only mentioned once) The Bella Italia is the restaurant that Edward took Bella to down in Port Angeles after she was almost attacked by the four guys. Feel the irony?**_

I sat on the ledge in the girl's bathroom debating whether to go to biology and confront Espere or skip the rest of school and wallow in darkness at home. I wasn't prepared to accept all the changes that had occurred. My eyes had grown puffy from crying, so I dragged myself over to the sink to wash my face. The dispenser was out of soap, no surprise there. Cool water prickled my skin as I watched it flow through my fingers. My eyes lingered on my open palms. They were paler than usual, almost opaque. But my scar was gone. The crescent shaped scar that I had embraced as proof of my determination to protect René never existed on my palm. Did I have any of my other scars? I checked my body, and slowly pulled up my shirt. Tiny scars covered most of my abdomen where Tyler's van had hit me and pinned me against another car. It was hard not to gawk at myself in the mirror. Gently, my fingers ran over each individual scar, tracing the unique shapes they made on my skin. Another girl walked in and stopped at the door, watching me. I let go of my shirt and hurried past her through the door, not bothering to turn off the faucet.

I couldn't stay in school. I trudged to my truck, holding my sides as I traveled. It was gloomy outside, and I was thankful. These days that I once enjoyed because it meant more time with Edward were only pleasing to me now because they matched my mood. I yanked open the door to my truck and climbed inside. I was glad that I was the only one who appreciated the looks of my senior car. It could be left unlocked, and I didn't have to worry about anyone stealing it. I settled in my seat and shoved the key in the ignition. Only then did I glace at my dashboard. My stereo was there, my pre-Edward stereo. Memories flooded back of my eighteenth birthday, and quickly changed to memories of ripping out the stereo Emmet had installed for me. I examined my fingers. It was so hard to believe I never had bloody nails from clawing away at my birthday present. How could I never have felt the pain, but remember it so well?

I let out a dry sob, but stopped abruptly when I heard a rapping at my window. Mike was standing there, face racked in guilt and worry.

"Bella? Oh, Bella. Are you okay?" I stared at him blankly and opened my mouth to say something, anything. But all that came out was another sob. He opened the door and pushed me over to the passenger seat, like Edward had done so many times.

"I'm taking you home. I'll stay with you tonight, if you need me." Like Edward had done so many times. A lump in my throat formed, and I was able to find my voice before he closed the door with him at the driver seat.

"No, please. I just want to be alone," I choked.

"Bella…" I could tell he didn't like the idea. Not because he wanted to spend the night with me, but because he sincerely cared. He ran his fingers through his hair. I noticed it wasn't styled like Edward's, but oh, how it pulled at my heart. I clutched my chest and closed my eyes.

"Mike. Please just get out of my truck." My voice was a shade darker than I had hoped it would be, but he would just have to accept the fact that I didn't want his company. He eyed me carefully and then left me alone to cry.

_**Author's Note**: **Sorry that I keep interrupting the story, but I just want to point out that even though Bella is dating Mike, it's not a Bella x Mike fanfic, it's Bella x Edward. I just didn't think that Mike was done enough justice in the book for his sincere interest in Bella, so I decided to show it in my fanfic.**_

I had cried until my eyes burned and my shirt was saturated with salty tears. I slowly pulled out of the school parking lot and headed home. I tried not to think of my life, what I had to live with. All my memories of Edward were exactly that: only memories. I agonized and every now and then I cried out in pain. To have had such love, and then erase everything was enough to push me over the edge. I remembered everything: the way his breath cascaded over my face, the coolness of his skin, the passionate hunger in his liquid topaz eyes. Surely he remembered too. I swiftly turned the truck around and sped off towards his mansion, praying for fate to be on my side today. Just today.

I arrived a lot quicker than I thought I would. Was I really in such a rush? The house was exactly as I remembered it. At least this provided me with a thin blanket of comfort. There were no overgrown ferns or unkempt flowerbeds. The house was obviously lived in, and I cried in joy. _They're still here. They never left_, I thought happily. The fact that the Cullens still resided in Forks was solid proof that it was me that drove them away so many months ago. But without me…here they were. It should have stung; it should have doubled me over with pain as I lay crumpled on the floor. But it didn't. They were _here_.

I stumbled up the stairs to their door, taking two at a time. I swear that I used my hands to help me run up the stairs part of the way. And then I was at the door. I traced my fingers along the paneling. So many times I walked through this door, but at the same time, this would be my first. My heart exploded as I thought of Edward being so close to me. We were only separated by a sheet of wood.

I could hear chatter coming from inside followed by laughter. I could pictured all of them, sans Carlisle, he would be at the hospital, sitting together in the living room watching TV as Emmet made snide remarks and Alice telling everyone what was going to happen before it occurred. I remembered watching "Sixth Sense" with the Cullens one night after having dinner with Charlie. Two minutes into the movie, Alice gasped and exclaimed, "I can't believe Bruce Willis' character is a ghost!" We had all groaned and pelted her with pillows.

_It can be just like that again_, I told myself. All I have to do is knock. I wiped my hands on my jeans. Since when did I ever sweat this much? There was no immediate response, but I heard the chatter from inside cease. I closed my eyes as I pictured Edward gracefully striding towards the door, towards me. The door slowly opened, hesitant. And I opened my eyes and smiled.

Esme stood in front of me. She was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, but she was as beautiful as ever. Her face was still soft, and her eyes sparkled like topaz. She looked at my so lovingly, like a mother. I would have taken comfort in her gaze, but I saw in her eyes she didn't know me. "Can I help you?" she asked politely.

I fled, tears streaming down my cheeks.

**_Author's Note: The last line was originally: I fled, leaving Esme staring after me in shock, tears streaming down my face. But I felt like the less I said there, the more emotion there was. What do you think? Please review! Edward Cullen wants you to…hint hint._**


	5. Dreams and Visions

Chapter 5: Dreams and Visions

**Edit: I realized that my last chapters seemed out of order, with Bella going to school, Edward having a dream, and then back to Bella at school again. I did not mean for this to happen, but I wrote the chapters in the order they came to me. Sorry if this confused anyone, but this next chapter is a direct continuation of chapter 4.**

_**Author's Note: Okay, so on the day I wrote this, I was in a complete "creepy" mode, hence the dream that Edward has. I was also in "tea" mode, and had like 4 cups of tea while writing this. It's a short chapter, shorter than I would have liked it, but I didn't want to fill it up too much with fluff. Anyway, enjoy and don't forget to review!**_

"_They put the spark in me, and now all it does is burn." - Spike_

EPOV:

"Who was it?" I asked Esme, turning my head in her direction. Our doorbell had already rung 3 times today: twice with a pizza guy and a wrong address and once with a girl scout selling cookies. Each time I had bounded down the stairs and flung the door open, searching for something, or _someone_. Each time, I shut the door with disappointment dancing across my face. I had given up this time, and let Esme greet the caller at the door.

"I don't know. I think I scared her," Esme said remorsefully.

"Oh yeah, because you're so intimidating," Alice joked, still playing with Jasper's hair. He didn't enjoy it; it was obvious from the scowl his was wearing. But he knew that Alice could take him on – and beat him – if he didn't comply.

_He looks so detached_, Esme thought. My eyes flickered to her face, and then my gaze dropped down to my hands. She was looking at me out of the corner of her eye. She rose from the chair she was sitting in and gracefully placed herself next to me on the sofa. "What's on your mind, Edward?"

"Nothing. It's hard to explain," I stated flatly. I tried my hardest not to let my mind wander…not to think of the dream. I already felt my insides falling apart as my heart devoured itself.

_Kind of like Emmet's fear of bunnies_, Rosalie thought matter-of-factly. My head snapped up, thanking Rosalie mentally for saving me from myself. "Emmet's afraid of bunnies?" I laughed, followed by everyone else in the room.

"I hate you, Rosalie," I heard Emmet grumble as he buried his head in his hands.

I was finally able to escape to the confines of my room without a second glance from my family. They were all distracted by their newfound interest in Emmet's absurd fears. As I sat in my room, I begged to slip into unconsciousness again. I wanted to see her again, to tell her I was sorry for whatever I had done. I had been ripped from the warmth of my dream and shoved back into the dead of reality. It was true that I was surrounded by people who loved me, but I was alone.

The hole in my chest grew larger with every relentless tick of the clock. It had opened its jaws and swallowed me whole. The girl from my dream filled every one of my pores with love and desire, but all it did was eat away at my existence. What was immortality without someone to share it with? I lowered myself from the couch onto the floor and closed my eyes.

_How could you_, she had said. Her voice was so tangled with pain and loss; I cringed at the memory of it. The intensity of the love I felt for her shook the very fiber of my being. Had I finally snapped? Had almost a century of loneliness driven me to the point of insanity? I could see her floating behind my eyelids as she stared at me with soft, brown eyes. The pads of my fingers tingled where I had touched her in my dream. If I concentrated hard enough, I could feel her soft skin under my fingers again. Her scent lingered in my nose, and it continued to lap at me like waves on a shore.

I would have cried if I could. She was in my head, in my heart, floating around like a ghost of my past, but I couldn't place a name to her face. Had she been one of those I had saved long ago when I ran away from Carlisle? Or had she been one I killed? I winced at the thought. My mind strained to remember where I had seen her, when I had ever felt like this before. I drew a blank before deciding she was a mirage I had created to ease the pain of loneliness. _Please, just let me sleep. Let me see her again_, I pleaded in my head.

My body fell limp, and sudden exhaustion crept over me. I rolled onto my stomach as I welcomed sleep. _Thanks, Jasper_.

I stood alone in the dark. I spun around frantically, searching for her. The freesia and vanilla smell was hanging in the distance, and I turned to follow the scent.

"Leaving again?" She sounded bitter, but not surprised. My body tensed at the tone of her voice; she had been expecting me to leave.

"No," I whispered, turning around. The girl that haunted my dreams was closer than I thought. She stood before me, a simple white dress hung loosely on her small frame. Her skin was oddly pale, almost as pale as mine. Again, just like before, I reached out to touch her. Instead of flinching, she scowled.

"You forgot to take this with you," she said, placing a heart in my hand. "I don't need it anymore." I looked down at it, then back at her. Blood saturated her dress, dripping down to the floor. She didn't notice the mortal wound, the huge hole punched right through the center of her chest. I dropped the heart, taking a step back from her. This couldn't be happening. She looked at me, studying the horror in my eyes. I could smell the blood. It hit me like a smack in the face.

She smiled at me. "Didn't like it?" she asked innocently. Her eyes gave away her true feelings. They burned with rage, but as she glared at me, I caught small specks of longing betraying her visage. "Guess you don't like things that don't work anymore." Her voice began to waver; she was losing her strength. Her expression softened as tears fell from her eyes like rain. The anger grew absent from her face, replacing itself with grief and heartache.

"What did I do?" I whimpered. My body was shaking uncontrollably as I ignored the throbbing in my stomach. The blood was pooling around our feet and creeping up the legs of my pants.

"You left me alive."

I was awakened by panicked voices coming from the room next to me. I didn't know how much time had passed since I slipped into unconsciousness, so I glanced out the window to check. It had been light outside when I had dozed off, and the moon was shining through the curtains in my room.

"Alice, what happened?" Jasper sounded more worried than usual. His mind was racing. I couldn't pick out any individual thought; they formed an incoherent jumbled of panic.

I tried to read Alice's mind, but I couldn't concentrate in my current state. I slowly got up and swayed to their room, leaning against the hallway for support. Rosalie, Emmet, and Esme were standing behind Jasper as he shook his wife. Rosalie was grasping onto Emmet's arm tightly, I realized; the skin was pulled tight over her knuckles. I pushed through my family, barely noticing the trembling hand over Esme's mouth. Alice was on the floor, clutching her knees to her chest. Her head was shaking from side to side as she repeated over and over, "No, no, no…"

I crouched down next to her. Jasper scrutinized me. He didn't think I could do anything if his attempts were a lost cause. He watched me for a second before swiftly rising from his kneeling position and moving near the others. I placed my hand on her arm and was taken back when she looked up at me. She had a bloody nose, and her eyes were glazed over. She would have been weeping if she had tears.

"Edward…" her voice cracked. It hurt me to see her this way. I looked away for the briefest moment so she couldn't see the anguish in my eyes.

"Alice, what's wrong? What did you see?"

"You would never," she whispered to me. It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself. She suddenly turned away, but I could still see the disgust on her face. My jaw tightened.

"What did I do?" Those words were all too familiar. I felt the air being knocked out of me, and it was times like this that I was glad I didn't need to breath. I would have been gasping for air if I was human. Alice went back to repeating "no" over and over, and I realized that only Jasper and I still occupied the room with Alice. I tried again in vain to read her mind, but all I pulled out was a black void. She obviously didn't want me to know what she had seen.

Jasper and I sat together in silence in the kitchen. "Man, you look like death," he started, trying to lighten the mood. I rubbed my eyes with my palms and scoffed.

"I had a bad dream. Thanks for the sleep," I said, my voice was acidic.

"You were _begging_ for it." Jasper watched me closely as I held a blank expression on my face. "What happened in the dream?"

"I don't know." I _didn't _know what happened in the dream. My plan was to take her in my arms and ask her to forgive me. Instead, she gave me the heart right out of her chest. I couldn't tell Jasper what happened. As accepting as he was, he wouldn't understand my sudden obsession with a girl I had created in a subconscious state, much less a _human_. I shook my head and gave Jasper an apologetic glace before getting up from the table and climbing the stairs to his and Alice's room.

Alice was still in the same fetal position, but she wasn't talking anymore. The light from the moon was shining where she sat, so I didn't bother flipping the light switch before approaching my crumpled sister. I could hear muffled, dry sobs coming from behind her knees, where her face was hidden. I sat down next to the shaking figure and placed my arm gingerly around her shoulders. She didn't acknowledge my presence, but the sobbing decreased.

"Edward?" She peeked at me from under her hair.

"I'm here, Alice. It's going to be okay. Whatever you saw, it'll be okay."

"No, it won't. Not this time," she murmured under her breath. Alice stared at the nothingness in front of us, lost in her thoughts. I quickly took the opportunity to read her mind. I staggered back, bumping into the wall and collapsing on the ground as Alice watched me in terror. She was right. It wouldn't be okay. Not this time.

_**Want to know what he saw? Review!**_


	6. It Wasn't Enough

Chapter 6: It Wasn't Enough

**_Author's Note: There was confusing whether Edward was a vampire in this fan fiction because he slept and had dreams in previous chapters. The answer is: yes, Edward is a vampire. The first time he slept, it was because Espere cast a spell, and she couldn't change the past if Edward was in a conscious state. The second time he slept, it was Jasper's doing. Edward had been begging to sleep to see the girl in his dream again and Jasper sensed this. He used his powers to help Edward fall into unconsciousness like he tried to do for Bella near the end of _Twilight_. I hope this cleared up any questions. And if you are still confused or have any more questions, include them in a review! (Hint hint)_**

**_I was calculating the dates between _Twilight, New Moon, _and this fan fiction, and I realized that I was a little off. For things to be correct in a timely fashion, Mike and Bella would be "celebrating" their 10 month anniversary. I corrected this mistake in my previous chapters._**

**_Also, thank you to those who read the author's notes. They are there for a reason; I'm not posting updates of my personal life._**

"_As memory may be a paradise from which we cannot be driven, it is also a hell from which we cannot escape." - Anonymous_

I picked at my dinner hoping that Charlie wasn't noticing my change in attitude. I wasn't sure how was I supposed to act; everything was so different. Was I different too? Charlie finished chewing his lamb and watched me as I moved the peas around on my plate.

"Did you get your questions answered in school?" I looked up at him with a puzzled expression. "You said this morning that you were going to school early to ask your teachers a couple questions," he said, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Yeah, I did," I muttered before giving my attention back to the undercooked peas in front of me. Charlie always tried to make small talk at dinner, and I just wasn't in the mood for it tonight. I wondered how things had gotten so awkward between us. Granted, he wasn't there for a majority of my life, but he was here now. And most importantly, he was my dad. So why couldn't I just run into his arms and tell him everything I had been going though?

"How are things with Mike?" I scowled. Too many people were asking me about my relationship with Mike. I obviously had to break it off fast before I killed the next person who mentioned him.

"Dad, do you know the Cullens?" I asked innocently, trying to avoid his previous question. He beamed; I was glad he still admired Carlisle in this life.

"Yes. Dr. Cullen is a wonderful man. He and his wife Esme adopted all five of their children. Although sometimes I swear you can't tell who the child is and who's the parent; they're all so youthful looking! Esme home schools the children, so they don't get out much. Luckily they're all really close, so they don't mind," he explained.

"Why does Mrs. Cullen home school her kids?"

"Something about being allergic to the sun." I chuckled. They were all so creative, and having allergies to the sun was all they could think of? I shook my head and tried to hide my smile.

"What a pity. Good thing they found a place like Forks to live," I commented, remembering the whether earlier this morning. There were rarely any sunny days here; I couldn't recall any other than the time Edward took me to…I stopped myself. If I didn't pull the memory from the back of my head, I wouldn't feel the mind-blowing pain that accompanied it. I pushed my chair out from under the table and stood up, startling Charlie.

"You barely ate anything," he observed out loud, worry evident in his visage. He probably noticed my pallor complexion and lack of curves. I had lost, I estimated, about 15 pounds since Ed- _he_ left me. The meaner students in school had been spreading rumors about me having an eating disorder. I was hungry for _his_ – I cringed as his face popped in my head – love, not food. No amount of empty calories could fill the void in my heart, so I didn't see the point in eating. The wish I had made to Espere changed my physical scars, but left my body in its unhealthy state. _I have to remember to thank her for that tomorrow_, I thought bitterly.

"I had some food before I came home," I lied quickly, turning before he could see the guilt written all over my face. Lying to Charlie made me feel dirty, but it was better than him knowing all the suffering I had to endure. I dropped my dishes in the sink, not bothering to clean them before heading for the stairs. Charlie would just have to take up some of the responsibilities for once. I couldn't do everything while I was falling apart at the seams.

As I walked by the stairs, I noticed Charlie's gun belt hanging from the coat hooks by the front door. Then something caught my eye. The gun wasn't there. I knew Charlie never left it at work; it was frowned upon and label "irresponsible." He had hidden the gun from me so I couldn't have the chance of committing suicide. Tears built up behind my eyes, and the pressure was excruciating. Even in this life, Charlie was worried about depression. If it wasn't caused by having Edward and then losing him, it was caused by never having him at all. I couldn't escape the pain.

The dreams I had when Edward first left me came back. But they were different. They were worse. Before, I would wander through the woods, searching for something, growing frantic as time went by. Then, after searching and searching, I would realize I didn't really know what I was searching for, because there was nothing. This time, there was something. I was searching for my past.

I wandered through the same moss-covered trees as I did every night. The throbbing of my pulse grew louder as my heartbeat quickened. There were noises coming from just beyond the cluster of trees I stumbled in- it sounded like laughter. A small circle of sunlight flickered before me, stopping me in my tracks. I knew exactly where I was. I was standing before Edward's and my meadow. I pictured him laying there in the sun- light shimmering off his ivory skin in all directions. The meadow had been our paradise; a symbol for all the love and happiness we shared. It was where Edward's lips first came crashing down on mine, where we shared something more than emotional or physical. Something that forever intertwined our souls into one. I scrambled towards the light, but no matter how far I pushed myself to run, the light never grew closer.

Then it hit me. I had had my chance at happiness. And now no matter what length I went to, I could never reach it again.

The pillow muffled my screams.

I could tell today wasn't going to be a good day. First of all, I had slept for 7 hours, but I felt exhausted. I spent all night chasing after the day Edward and I spent together in the meadow. My eyes were red and puffy from crying in my sleep. I had tried taking a hot shower to sooth my muscles, but I only ended up tripping over the edge of the tub, bruising my shin.

I staggered back to my room, collapsing on my bed. _Where did I put my pants_, I wondered, rising from my sitting place and rummaging through the clothes I had sprawled across the floor. My toe hit something hard, causing me to yelp in pain. I sat down on the ground, examining the damage. Nope, no foul done. I picked my shirt up from the floor to uncover what attacked me. "The album René gave me," I gasped, gingerly picking it up. Correction: no physical damage done. I slowly turned the front cover, biting my lip as my eyes scanned over the pictures. Me and Mike before the "girls' choice" dance. Me and Mike before prom. Me and Mike eating lunch at a park. There were no pictures of Edward, no pictures to document my life in Forks instead of just my senior year. I had never planned on running away with Edward in this life. _Because there was no Edward in this life_. I studied my face in each picture, finally slamming the album shut in disgust. Next to Mike, I didn't look as plain as when I stood by Edward. But I looked dead. My eyes were flat and my smiles were forced. It didn't surprise me that this was my life without Edward- it repulsed me.

I quickly threw on some clothes and bolted out the door, breakfast bar in hand. The shower had made me late, and I didn't have time to sit down with cereal. I didn't want to lie to Charlie about my eating habits anymore, so if he asked me, I could at least tell him I had something to eat before school. I shoved the rest of the bar in my mouth before I reached the door to my truck. The door swung open easily, and I hopped inside. The trip to school was quick; I was looking forward to biology.

My truck squeezed into a parking spot that was obviously sized for a compact car. Class had started 10 minutes ago, and this was the only space left. The truck growled at me as I put it into park and killed the engine. I climbed down from my seat and ran towards my first class, tripping 2 times and successfully falling flat on my face before reaching the building. Thankfully no one was around to see my graceful performance. I straightened myself up before pushing through the doors and strolling down the hallway. Every time I walked through these empty hallways I felt a tingle in my hand were Edward's hand used to be. I took a deep breath and entered the classroom, putting on a new face.

"Glad to see you could fit us into your busy schedule, Ms. Swan," my English teacher said, stopping the lesson. I blushed and hurried over to my seat. Mike grinned at me, and I gave a small smile back. Class slugged by, each second of the minute growing longer and longer; I think it was because I was fidgeting so much. I kept shaking with impatience for biology. The bell finally rung, and I jumped up from my seat. I tried to leave the room, but something was holding me back. I turned around. Mike was clutching onto my arm. "Mike, let go. That hurts." I frowned.

"Sorry, Bella. But I really need to talk to you," he whispered quickly, releasing my arm. I rubbed my arm and glanced at the clock. 8 minutes before my next class started.

"Okay, but make it quick. I don't want to be late for another class," I said, trying to lighten the tone of my voice. From his expression I could tell I still sounded annoyed.

"You've been acting so…drawn lately." He made sure not to offend me, carefully picking out each word by hand. "I'm really worried about you."

My face softened, and I looked down at my feet. I was wearing two different shoes. _Damn_. "I've just had a lot on my mind," I started.

"It's not just these past couple of days, Bella," he exclaimed, exasperated. He wasn't handling his words with care anymore. They just flew out his mouth, pounding themselves into my ears. "For months, you've so distant. It really hurts that you won't tell me what's bothering you. Is it the weather?" My eyes shot up to him. _The weather?_ Was he _serious_? "I mean, I know that you're from Arizona, but-"

"Mike," I said, cutting him off, "I want to break up." There, just like a band-aid. I had to do it now; I couldn't drag him along anymore. He just stared at me, opened his mouth, and then closed it. "Sorry," I breathed, barely audible. Before anything else could be said, I turned around and headed for the door. I heard him choke back a sob before escaping into the hallway.

Mike wasn't at lunch. I didn't expect him to be. If he loved me as much as I loved Edward, I wouldn't expect him to be in school for a while. I didn't eat lunch; instead I bought a Fanta and drank a few sips. My ears buzzed and the butterflies in my stomach fluttered with excitement. Biology was next. And I knew Espere would be there.

I left for class a few minutes before lunch ended. At lunch, I had been bouncing up and down in my seat waiting for the bell. After a while, a very irritated Jessica asked (loudly) if I had to go to the bathroom. I had laughed it off and told her I was jittery from the soda, which was true. Sort of.

The other biology students began to fill up the empty seats in the classroom. My pencil rolled onto the floor, so I bent down to pick it up. When I sat up in my seat, she was sitting next to me.

"Holy crow!" I exclaimed, clutching my heart.

"Hello, Bella," she purred, entertainment dancing in her voice at my reaction to her appearance. My heart started beating again, and I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

"I wanted to talk to you-"

"About Edward," she finished. It wasn't a question.

"Yeah. I didn't really want to make that wish, so I was wondering…" I started, trying to sound as casual as I could.

"Sorry, but I can't reverse wishes," she said apologetically. She didn't look sorry.

"Well, can't I just wish him back? For everything to be normal?" I asked. I liked that plan. I could just wish for me and Edward to be together again. A smile played on my lips.

"Nope." The smile dropped from my face as quickly as it had appeared. "I can only grant one wish."

"Well, aren't there other fairies, or _whatever_ you are that can help me?" She pondered this for a minute, and then shook her head slowly.

"I'm not a fairy," Espere muttered, "I'm a witch." She emphasized the last word, obviously proud of her uniqueness. The corners of her mouth turned upward, and she purred again, eyeing me coyly. "There _are_ other witches, but they're not as…_nice_ as I am," she said slowly, conveying the double meaning. I got the message.

"Oh. So, why can you only grant one wish?" I tried changing the subject of the other witches. I didn't want to know what Espere had to say about them. She did, after all, have her ex-boyfriend torn apart by sharks. I shuddered at the thought.

"Because I want to," she stated. "Don't be too greedy, Bella. You were too greedy with Edward, and look at what happened." She gestured to the classroom, referring to the life I had made for myself; the life without Edward. I felt a sudden stab of pain, and then scowled at her.

"I was _not_ too greedy. You don't know what you're talking about," I hissed. My eyes narrowed at her. She rolled her eyes and then leaned in closer to me.

"You were, Bella. Remember? Edward loved you more than anything else, and it still wasn't enough for you. 'I _will_ stay with you- isn't that enough?'" she mocked, imitating Edward's voice perfectly. It must have been another one of her powers. I looked away quickly, praying that she didn't see the tears welling up in my eyes. "'Enough for now,'" she continued, mimicking my response. "But it wasn't enough, was it Bella? So he left." Her voice grew louder at the last word, and then she was silent. The lump in my throat ached, and I tried multiple times to form words. Finally, after an eternity, I found my voice and raised my head to meet her gaze.

"Please, stop," I whispered, my voice raspy and cracked. Espere heard the agony in my words; saw the begging in my eyes. Her expression changed from vicious to empathetic as she put her hand on my knee. I couldn't tell if she really felt sorry, or if this was another one of her games. She raised her hand as she turned her head towards the front of the classroom. The teacher nodded at her to speak.

"May I use the restroom?" the witch asked, her tone was nothing like the one she had used with me. It amazed me how she changed face so quickly. Before the teacher could consent, she rose from her seat and glided out the door. She did not return.

**_I know you all are DYING to know what Edward saw in Alice's vision. (I'm excited to see what happens too; after all, I don't know what's going to happen until I write it!) Sorry it didn't happen in this chapter. Alice's vision is included in the next chapter (the whole chapter 7 is most likely going to be about it), but I had to write this chapter first so that everything would flow smoothly and in sequential order. The vision is worth the wait- it's definitely not cliché…I'm making sure of that. So you can be sure it's not about Bella…it's better. I'll get chapter 7 up ASAP (taking into account that I have school again)!_**

_**And don't forget to review:-)**_


	7. Edward, What Have You Done?

Chapter 7: Edward, What Have You Done?

_**Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated in almost 4 months. I have been drawing a lot since I got **_**real**_** drawing material. I'll post links in my profile if you want to see my latest stuff, or you can go to my website if you want to see all my artwork. Anyway, sorry that this chapter isn't as good; I kinda have writer's block.**_

"_If you're going through hell, keep going." – Winston Churchill_

Edward POV:

Alice had been avoiding me since her vision. I knew that she wanted to comfort me, but she was in no place to console anyone; she was breaking apart. We kept what we had seen from the rest of the family. They didn't need to know what would happen – and we hoped that they would never have to find out. Alice always said that the future wasn't written in stone, a saying she repeated more than necessary these days.

No one in the family asked us what happened in the vision. The night Alice saw it, Jasper had joined her in their bed as he did every night. As he draped his arm over her waist and pulled himself closer to her, nuzzling his nose on the back of her neck. There was an hour of deafening silence, and then he spoke.

"What happened, Alice?" No response.

"You can tell me. Please, Alice." Jasper knew better than to use his powers on his wife. He could soothe her in a heartbeat and make her pour her heart out to him, but he resisted. He resisted controlling his wife's emotions better than resisting blood – a task that would prove impossible for most husbands. Once he had tried to calm Alice during an argument, and he only ended up getting beaten to a bloody pulp. He wasn't about to let that happen again anytime soon.

"Alice, you can't be so stubborn." That pushed her over the edge. If anything put Alice in a foul mood, it was being called stubborn.

I heard Jasper groan from the ground as Alice pushed him out their second story window. After the incident…or attempted homicide…no one bothered Alice about her vision.

The day started out normal enough. Then, when the sun began to set, Alice started to shake. It was so subtle; no human would ever be able to detect it. We gathered around her, waiting for her to speak.

"Oh God," she murmured, looking straight into my eyes.

"Alice?" I questioned. She was blocking her mind from me. It angered me every time she did that; did she not think I could handle the same thing she was seeing?

"Alice." It wasn't a question. My voice was stern and demanding. I could tell she noticed my tone because she bore her eyes into me. I was determined to know what she knew. This involved me, and she didn't have the right to keep it from me. Her eyes grew black as she snarled.

"It happens tonight. Everything happens tonight," she stated, and then she pushed all of us across the room, leaping through the window and through the forest.

Alice would have been an excellent human teenager. When she came back, she was so quiet; we barely knew she was there. She sneaked back into the house, leaving no sound as she danced across the floor to the living room. Esme was the first to notice her.

"Oh, Alice…" Esme gasped, gracefully covering her open mouth with her hand. Alice was covered in blood; her t-shirt was saturated with blood. Deer blood, it smelled like.

"Nice hunt?" Emmett asked, not tearing his eyes from the TV.

"Three pretty deer, all in a row," she said, her lips curving into a satisfied smile. Her response sent shivers up my spine. "Sorry, but that vision just gets me blood-thirsty," she added before plopping down on the couch next to Jasper. He pretended not to notice the blood. He was still trying to get on her good graces since she pushed him out the window.

"Whatcha watching?" she asked us as she studied the screen.

"Number 23," Rosalie muttered.

"Oh, well, it turns out that-" Emmett tackled her before she could blurt out the ending. The rest of the evening was filled with laughter as Emmett continued to cover Alice's mouth for the duration of the movie. When the movie was over, everyone left the living room, the exception being Alice and myself.

The doorbell rang.

Alice didn't move. She looked at me, her eyes pleading.

_Don't open the door, Edward, _she thought. This was it. The vision was running its course. All I had to do was sit here until the girl outside left. Then I wouldn't…I just had to wait for her to leave. I could smell her through the thin frame of the house. Her humanity reeked from her body. I pulled Alice's vision from my memory. I could see her standing on the other side of the door, her brown hair cascading down her back, hopping back and forth on her feet as she waited for the door to open.

We didn't realize until it was too late.

Esme was turning the doorknob.

"Esme, stop!" Alice shrieked. But the door was already open. The young human stood before us. She looked kind of lost, and I began to tremble. Alice put her hand on my knee, but continued to stare in fear towards the entrance. I willed myself to change the future. This vision was _not_ going to happen.

"Can I help you?" Esme asked the stranger. I heard the girl stuff her hands in her pockets as she shuffled her feet.

"Is, uh, Edward home?" she squeaked. I was curious as to how the girl knew me. I had never seen her before in my life, but she spoke my name as if she was familiar with it. Esme smiled and motioned her inside. _Damn._

"Yes, dear. He's right over there with his sister," she answered. She pointed a delicate finger at us. The human looked past Esme and into the living room. With sudden confidence, she sauntered through the foyer and towards us. Alice's hand tightened on my knee.

"I'll leave you two alone. Alice, would you like to join me in the kitchen?" Esme said, trying to give me and the human some privacy.

"No. I think I should stay here," Alice commented, trying to sound polite in front of the girl. She didn't want anyone to think anything was wrong. The girl stood about 10 feet away from us…watching us closely. Esme hovered near the door to the kitchen for a few seconds, and then finally disappeared.

"Would…you like to sit down?" I offered, gesturing to a chair near the couch where Alice and I were sitting.

"Like I would get near you filthy creatures," she spat. Her eyes seemed to glow. Only then did I realize they were different colors, one green and one blue. She turned all her attention to me, completely ignoring Alice and receiving a growl from her.

"My, my," she said, suddenly sounded much older than she appeared. "Bella was right to be so heartbroken over you. You're quiet a sight for sore eyes." Her words bowled me over. Bella? She saw the confusion written over my face. "Have any interesting dreams lately?" she asked, trying to sound innocent.

"You…" I snarled. Alice glanced at me. I had never mentioned them to her, and she stared at me, hurt that I didn't confide in her.

"Well, that girl – your _dream_ girl – is…let's just say she's not functioning properly right now." I couldn't believe that the girl that haunted my dreams was real. She was too extraordinary to grace the plains of this earth. How could someone as pure and bright as her be in a place like Forks? It didn't seem true.

"Who are you?" I growled. It came low from my chest, and the girl took a step back, laughing. Not the response I was expecting.

"Angry, are we? My name's Espere," she said, still laughing. "I grant wishes to people who cry out for help. It's usually girls with broken hearts."

"Oh, are you a fairy?" Alice asked eagerly. Alice had always believed that fairies existed, and she was bouncing up and down in excitement, clearing her mind of everything involving vision. Espere's face grew dark and she rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, Edward," she purred my name, "your little Juliet is just _wishing_ she was dead right now." Her words were vicious as the venom seeped from her lips, saturating every last syllable that fell from her purple lips.

"No!" I cried. Alice tried in vain to hold me back, but I was too fast, too strong. I lunged at her. Espere watched me to terror before her eyes went dead as I snapped her neck. As she lay crumpled on the floor, Alice rushed to my side.

"Edward, what have you done?"

_**Author's Note: Whew! Long chapter. Please review!**_


	8. Touched by an Angel

Chapter 8: Touched by an Angel

_**Author's Note: Sorry the chapter is short. :-(**__** I'll try to make upcoming ones longer.**_

"_All God's angels come to us disguised." – James Russell Lowell_

Edward POV:

Alice and I stood above Espere's body. I could hear my sister's soft whimpers behind me as she clutched my arm to keep herself from collapsing. Esme flew out of the kitchen, realizing what happened after the snap -I cringed- of Espere's neck echoed through the seemingly empty house.

"Edward! What happened?" Esme's voice was not saturated by anger, disappointment or shock. Rather, her words were wrapped with pity; not just for the witch, but for me.

"I…don't know," I murmured. I _didn't_ know. Never in over 100 years had I lost control to such an extreme. For her to throw me into such frenzy just by threatening the life of a girl I had only dreamed about…I disgusted myself. My hands began to shake, and I knelt down by Espere, taking Alice with me. The smell of burnt sage and rust, which I recognized as the magic threading through her body, seemed to fade away like her existence.

Never in my life had I murdered an innocent. And less than a minute ago, I had killed one with my bare hands. As I crumpled to the ground, it hit me like a blow to the head. I almost passed out from pain as shards of realization carved pictures in my mind. And now I was absolutely convinced that I had no soul. It was the human inside of me that killed the human; not the vampire. Vampires kill by draining blood from the victim's body. Humans…they kill just like I demonstrated. I was a murderer, and it wasn't the vampire in me that brought it out.

I jumped up from the body, forcing a startled scream from Alice. I looked at my sister and my mother, and then exploded through the front door and into the woods. I was already miles away when I heard Alice cry, "Edward, where are you going?" It was so distant and soft, that if I was anything other than a vampire I wouldn't have heard it.

I ran as fast and hard as I could. My feet became a blur, barely touching the ground with each step I took. The trees seemed to part to allow me through the dense green, and I closed my eyes. She, my _Bella_, hovered behind my eyelids. I whispered her name to myself before letting myself revel in her beauty again. She looked so lonely, and I longed to be able to reach out and brush my fingers along her cheek. Finally, her gaze met mine, and she penetrated my soul. I had to slow down my pace to catch my breath. Never in my undead life did I have to breathe…until I saw her face.

_Bella_, I thought in my head, _I finally know your name._ The goddess opened her mouth to speak, and I stopped abruptly, causing leaves to swirl up from the forest ground. I kept my eyes closed. I couldn't risk losing the mirage of an angel.

_You knew it before,_ she replied. For the first time, when she spoke, it wasn't filled with sadness or resentment. She spoke gently and softly. I imagined she was picking out each word with extreme care, forming the perfect responses to leave me satisfied with the answer. It wasn't working. I wouldn't be satisfied until I met her.

_Who, or what, are you? Are you-_ I began. My eyebrows pulled together as I tried harder to picture her, to maybe bring her to me.

_Oh, Edward,_ she laughed. _I told you before, so many times. I'm not an angel._ Her laugh rang through my ears, and I marveled at the sound. It sounded like the soft toll of a bell, with wind chimes dancing in the distance. I smiled and seated myself against a tree, reminding myself to keep my eyes closed. I thrilled at the thought of talked to my Bella outside of a dream.

_We've…spoken before?_

_Yes. We've shared secrets, dreams, embraces, and kisses._ I inhaled at her last word. Kisses. I ran my fingers over my lips, grazing the skin.

_Who are you?_ I breathed.

_Who am I? I am yours._ She smiled at me, and reached out to touch me. I reached for her hand, but then she disappeared.

"No! Wait!" I yelled, my eyes opening in panic. I was alone in the woods. I could hear squirrels chattering in the distance, and the crunch of leaves as they darted through the trees. I closed my eyes to pull my goddess in front of me once more, but she did not reappear.

I took off once again, running faster that I had before. I could feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins as I quickly closed the space between me and my destination. I could see the light shining in through the clearing. It would be a matter of seconds before I reached the one place in the world I felt at peace. I would stay there until I could figure out what to do about Espere. I shook my head as the image of her body played in my head. Alice and Esme would know that I would come back with a solution. Thankfully, the others were out hunting for the next couple of days. Espere's death haunted me enough, and I didn't want to deal with my family if they came home to find a lifeless witch in the living room. I would have to think fast if I was going to fix the accident before they returned from their trip. No distractions could be afforded.

The trees ended as I burst into the clearing. It was a perfectly shaped circle, with a small stream trickling with the clearest water. The sun beamed down on the steam, causing each droplet to shatter into a thousand sparkling lights. I would have to remember to bring my Bella here, if I ever met her.

My hair was tousled from the exhilarating run, so I reached up to fix it. I looked around, my eyes wandering past the stream, and my breath caught in my throat.

My hand fell to my side as my lips slightly parted. I exhaled the breath I was holding as tried not to collapse.

Bella stood on the other side of the clearing. I couldn't make out her expression, but a glimmer on the side of her cheek told me she was crying. Did she know what I had done? She hesitantly took a step toward me with her arm outstretched. I began to shorten the distance between us, and she flinched. Then she turned around and fled.

_**Author's Note: Please review! It helps me update. Hinthint. :-)**_


	9. Forget the Past

Chapter 9: Forget the Past

_**Author's Note: This chapter takes place right after chapter 6 leading up to the end of chapter 8. I just needed to establish some things happening in Bella's life before continuing the story. I need to have this chapter to make the rest of the story make sense. But it's a long update…so yay!**_

"_What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now." – Anonymous_

Bella POV:

I was mad.

No, I was _pissed_.

As I pulled up into my driveway, for once I was grateful to be alone. At the end of my relationship with Edward, I embraced my alone time granted to me by Charlie. I was able to wallow in pain and cry without judgment from my father. And it saved the risk of _his_ named being mentioned. But although I had preferred to sit by myself in a dark room, a part of me yearned to have someone -anyone- hold me like Edward did, just so I could feel again.

But now, the thought of another person in the same room with me made me want to claw at my skin. Before, I had my heart ripped out. This time, it was pre-ripped out, and then shoved into my face. Espere had taken my past and tormented me with it, all for _sport_. Tears welled up in my eyes again as I gripped the steering wheel. The skin covering my knuckles was pulled tight, masking the appearance of blood under the surface. I took a couple deep breaths, wincing at the pain in my chest at each intake.

After finally dragging myself inside the house, I collapsed on my bed. I needed to get my mind off of Espere's poisonous words. But every time I closed my eyes, my mind deceived me.

"_Edward loved you more than anything else, and it still wasn't enough for you. 'I __will__ stay with you- isn't that enough?'" Espere mocked, imitating Edward's voice perfectly. It must have been another one of her powers. I looked away quickly, praying that she didn't see the tears welling up in my eyes. "'Enough for now,'" she continued, mimicking my response. "But it wasn't enough, was it Bella? So he left."_

"Oh, God!" I cried, fresh tears streaming down my cheeks. I flung a pillow across the room and watched it smash into a picture frame. The picture tumbled to the ground, shattering the glass encasement. I sat up abruptly. _I've never had a picture there before,_ I thought.

I hurried over to the mess of glass, being careful not to cut myself on the shards. I picked the photo up and rushed to my desk to hold it under the light. The still memory portrayed a very happy Mike and a hollow looking me down in La Push. I guessed it was taken during the camping trip during my junior year.

Without a second thought, I tossed the picture into the trashcan. I didn't need photos to remind myself of how unhappy I looked. I especially didn't need photos that reminded me of when I learned the Cullens' secret. My conversation with Jacob replayed in my head. I slumped over my desk and buried my face in my arms until I cried myself to sleep.

When I finally awoke, I felt disoriented. I glanced at the clock; I had only been asleep for a couple hours, so Charlie wouldn't be home yet. I let out a sigh of relief before trying to remember what I had forgotten. It hit me so hard and suddenly I jumped up from my chair, knocking it to the ground.

"Jacob," I whispered to myself. He and I had become so close after Edward left, and he seemed to be the only one who made me feel…anything, really. As much as the thought of being in someone else's presence sickened me, the idea of just talking to Jacob thrilled me to my core. He would make me feel better, again. He always did.

Without picking up the chair, I began to make my way out of my room. I felt something sharp slice through my paper-thin skin on the bottom of my feet followed by the rusty copper smell of blood. This was the only time I was thankful that a Cullen wasn't there.

Charlie found me passed out in my room when he got home. (_**Author's note: Bella fainted at the sight of blood, and then while she was unconscious, she continued to lose blood from her injuries.) **_His first hint was the lack of dinner. Although I had been depressed in this life, I had always kept up the routine of having dinner on the table before he returned from work. Charlie climbed the stairs to my room, only to be greeted by the scent of blood at the doorway. He rushed in, fearing that I had committed suicide. When he flipped on the light, he saw me lying unconscious on the ground, my feet and legs surround by a pool of dried blood. Rushing me to the hospital in his cruiser, he tried several times to wake me up, with no avail.

When I finally awoke, Charlie was sitting by my bed, worried creating more wrinkles in his forehead than I thought possible.

"Bella? Oh, Bella, honey," he said, stroking my hair.

"Dad?" I asked groggily. "How long have I been out?"

"Only a couple of hours," he stopped, pulling his eyebrows together. "You lost…a lot of blood, and needed a transfusion." I pulled my eyes shut, as I tried to block out the memory. It was too late. The vision of me and Edward in the hospital after James attacked me filled my head. But then again, that had never happened. Eyes sprung into my eyes and I tried to hold them back, but Charlie saw them anyways. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat before trying to comfort me.

"Bella, don't worry. You'll be okay. The doctor said that you can come home tonight." I pretended that he said exactly what I wanted to hear. I smiled weakly, wiping away the stains on my cheeks. An awkward silence filled the room as Charlie fidgeted with his hands. "Honey," he began, keeping his eyes on the bed sheets, "was this," he waved his hand in the direction of my feet, rolling around some words on his tongue before finally finding one that satisfied his question, "intentional?" He had a pained look in his eyes that begged me to say no even if it had been attempted suicide.

"Uh, Char…dad? First of all, if it _had_ been intentional," I emphasized the word _had_, "it wouldn't have been death by bleeding from my feet. I'm a strong person dad, and I wouldn't try to harm myself in any way…I promise." My father let out the breath he was holding in, and then squeezed my hand.

"I love you, Bella," Charlie said, before walking out of the room to have me released from the hospital.

"Love you too, dad," I whispered, smiling.

When Charlie returned, he resumed sitting in the chair next to my hospital bed.

"The doctor needs to make sure you're _absolutely_ okay before releasing you to go back home. He'll be here in a minute to check your stats, and then you'll be free to go," he explained beaming at me. We waited in silence until the doctor appeared at the doorway.

"Nice to see you're awake, Miss Swan," the doctor commented politely. I didn't need to look up to know who it was. I could feel the pressure behind my eyes building up as tears threatened to spill out.

Carlisle walked to the side opposite Charlie and tilted my head up to check my pupils with his flashlight. At once he noticed my unreleased tears.

"Miss Swan, are you alright?" he asked, putting down his flashlight and placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I just…" I trailed off, finally just settling for shrugging my shoulders.

"I think my daughter's just tired. The faster we get out of here, the better." I thanked Charlie in my head for knowing exactly what I needed. And that was to be away from any of the Cullens.

After returning home and eating dinner (Charlie made half-burnt half-frozen waffles, but I still appreciated the attempt) I decided to continue my intentions of calling Jacob. He sounded excited to be hearing from me. I was glad that at least in this world Jacob was the same. Although I had drastically changed the past, our close friendship had still found a way to exist. We talked for a while, before deciding to meet up later the next day. I finally felt a relief wash over me, as I knew the ache in my heart would soon be gone. I fell asleep for once, with dry eyes.

The next day, I woke up and rubbed my throbbing feet. Although I rarely ever took baths, I decided that this was the perfect time to soak instead of stand. I hobbled to the bathroom and plopped down on the ledge of the tub. Turning the water on as hot as it would go, I watch the water fill the tub as I stripped my clothes. At the ¾ point I twisted the knob off and climbed in. I let my thoughts take over as I closed my eyes and leaned back.

I knew Jacob liked me. And I remembered telling myself that Jacob would have been the one for me if Edward was never in my life. I knew I would be happy with either of them; I loved them so much. But with Edward…it was different. I had no idea how, but it felt…destined. I quickly dismissed the thought of star-crossed lovers. In this life I made myself, Edward wasn't a part of it at all. Once the sole purpose of my existence, he was now someone I shouldn't know about; a stranger.

Today I would go to our meadow and say goodbye to my past. I would ignore any future Edward and I would have had in any other life, and I would leave all thoughts and memories of my first love in the place where we shared our first kiss.

After my bath I quickly dried my hair and inched my way down the stairs. Charlie greeted me with a bowl of cereal.

"I was going to bring it up to your room," he said, turning around to place it on the kitchen table.

Shoving spoonfuls of cereal and milk into my mouth, I told him I was in a rush to see Jacob. A grin took over his visage as I mentioned my best friend.

"Excellent! Are you sure you can drive yourself to La Push?"

"Yeah, I'll be just fine, but thanks," I replied quickly, shoveling food into my mouth between words. Although it would be much smarter for someone without cut-up feet to drive me to La Push, I couldn't have Charlie take me. I needed to go to the meadow before seeing Jacob. Charlie didn't need to know that I was taking a little detour.

I drove as close to the meadow as I could, pleasantly surprised that the pressure I applied to the gas and brake didn't hurt my feet. I wasn't looking forward to the long walk through the forest, though. As I gingerly stepped out of the truck, I prayed that I wouldn't be attacked by wild animals. As I began walked towards the meadow, I realized I had forgotten about Victoria. _Holy crow_.

The image of her fire hair cut through my memory. I spun around, about to head back toward my truck when I realized something _else_ I had forgotten. She didn't know about me. She, James, and Laurent never saw me at the Cullens' house since in this world, I had never been there. I didn't even know if they _went_ to the Cullens' house. A small smile played on my lips before I continued my journey through the forest. There wasn't anything that I needed to worry about in this world. It all left when…Edward…did. I cringed at the thought. I guess forgetting him and moving on was going to be harder than I imagined.

After slowly making my way through the forest, I was finally able to see light shining through the clearing. I quickened my pace. When I first started on the trek, I winced at every step I took. Finally, the shooting pains eased to a numbing ache covering the bottom surface of my feet. I pushed through the braches of the surrounding shrubbery, and emerged in the meadow Edward and I shared. It was as beautiful as I remembered. The stream was crystal clear, and the grass shimmered with dew. I felt my heart swell at just standing at the edge of the place where my life started. I took a step forward before realizing I wasn't alone.

Across from me stood Edward. _Edward._ The man who recklessly played with my heart until it was broken. The man of whom I loved anyway. Everything that I had felt when we were together flooded my senses and nearly knocked me to the ground. All thoughts about forgetting my past with him were banished. I couldn't believe he was standing in front of me. I reached out, imagining I was stroking the smooth, cold skin on his cheek. He stared right back at me, staying perfectly still.

I remembered the first time we met. I had wondered why he always turned away from me and showed such an immediate disliking. Edward later explained to me that he couldn't kill me in front of all the people in the class, and was planning on luring me to a place where he could be alone with me. It had taken him _everything_ he had that day to keep from carrying out his plan.

I jerked back my hand quickly. This Edward didn't know me. My blood was singing to him, and we were alone.

I turned around and ran for my life.

_**Author's Note: Please don't forget to review! They help encourage faster updates… and make me actually want to continue writing. ;-) Thank you to those who **_**do**_** review. This chapter is dedicated to you!**_


	10. The Truth, or Lies?

Chapter 10: The Truth…or Lies?

_**Author's Note: Sorry this chapter isn't as long as my previous one. Thank you to those who review!**_

"_God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose. Take which you please- you can never have both." – Ralph Waldo Emerson_

Bella POV:

I could barely hear my feet pounding into the ground of the forest. The adrenaline from the run was coursing so desperately through my veins, the blood pulsing in my ear blocked out most of the noise around me. It didn't help that I was crying. And my hair was constantly getting in my eyes. If I were to fall down and hurt myself now…Edward would smell- no. I couldn't think about it. I had to concentrate on getting away. My life depended on it.

I sucked as much air into my lungs as they would allow. My face burned with the blood rush, and it wasn't until I stumbled and fell did I hear the crunch of leaves behind me. This was it. I was going to die.

I turned my body around, so that I was facing my attacker. My legs were too weak to support me, so I stayed seated. Weakness from the running or fear, I didn't know. The wind whipped lightly through the trees, and sprinkles of sunlight littered the forest floor. At least it was a nice place to die.

My chest heaved and ached from the run, causing my breath to escape from my mouth in large doses. The blood in my veins coursed crazily, trying to find more ways to get my killed. I cursed myself for seeming more appealing to Edward than when we were in the meadow. I probably looked like a piece of cake. Fresh, sweet blood, all warm from the running. I shuddered at the thought.

Edward inched toward me, probably trying to savor the moment before drinking his "singer" dry. Slowly he bent down and peered at my face. A malicious smile played on his perfect lips, and I longed for once last kiss before my death. As I looked into his liquid topaz eyes, I almost slapped myself.

_Topaz_ eyes. Not black. And his smile…it was nothing like James' before he attempted to murder me. It was…

"Oh," I tried to cover my mouth to stifle the gasp that escaped from my throat. It was that crooked smile of his. His face was so close to mine now I could smell his sweet breath. I felt the pressure building up behind my eyes, but before I could control myself, the tears brimmed over leaving transparent steaks along my cheeks.

"It's you," he breathed. His words were so soft I had to strain my eyes to hear him. Those words sent a jolt to my heart and woke my up from my months of dormancy. I thrilled to the words. He knew who I was. Before I could respond, he continued. "Who…are you?" he asked, confusing muddling his expression. "Please, I…you haunt my mind. I have no rest when you're constantly playing in my thoughts. I beg you, tell me who you are." His expression turned to sadness, and if I had not known he was a vampire, I would think he was about to cry.

I didn't know how to react. I slowly raised my hand and pushed some strands of his copper hair away from his face. His hand caught mine, and I flinched from the cold. It had been so long since I touched him; I wasn't familiar with the feel of his hand anymore. He must have interpreted it as fear because he quickly dropped my hand and stood up.

"Sorry," he whispered, still trying not to startle me. I stood up hesitantly, meeting his gaze. Suddenly, I felt myself crashing into him, as I jumped forward to embrace him. My face hit hard chest as I wrapped my arms around his waist. Edward stood frozen in time for a second, before carefully bringing his hands down to pull me closer.

"Oh, Edward…" I mumbled; my words jumbled from my sobs.

"Do you," he paused, searching for the words. "Not know what I am?"

"I know," I murmured, looking up at his beautiful face. It was hard to look at him from my current position, but I didn't care. Too soon, he pushed me away from him, gently as not to hurt me. I protested by whimpering a little, and he smiled his crooked smile for me again.

"And yet, you're not afraid?" He was curious. He was probably thinking back to my desperate attempt at escaping from him a few minutes ago. My Greek god wiped away the last of my tears with his thumb before motioning me with his eyebrows to explain myself.

I sighed. How could I possibly tell him about our past? He would think I was crazy; he wouldn't believe that he actually fell in love with _me_. Edward's eyes burned into mine, and there was nothing I could do but open my mouth, and give him what he wanted.

"Well, it started out when I moved to Forks. First, you didn't l-like me because you said my blood…uh…sang to you." I felt embarrassed saying so, but I continued anyway. "You were able t-to ignore the temptation, and we fell…in…love." I checked his expression and then waited for him to laugh at me or roll his eyes and walk away. Instead, to my complete and udder surprise, he nodded as if he knew it already. I smiled to myself, with a new confidence found; maybe a part of him _did_ remember me. "I knew that you were…you know…a vampire, but we were careful. And then…at my eighteenth birthday party, I cut my finger and J-," I stopped myself before I mentioned Jasper. I didn't want to bring him into this. "Another vampire tried to hurt me…" I trailed off, not knowing whether I should tell him that he fell _out_ of love with me and left. No, I _should_ have told him, but I didn't _want_ to tell him. I tore a brand new hold in me, debating whether I should tell the love of my life the truth…or lie and get him back. I knew that if I lied to him, every time he kissed me, I would cry thinking of how I had manipulated his mind. My eyes began to water as I finished my story. "…and then you left me because you realized that you d-didn't l-love me. I was…not…right for you." I choked on the last words, forcing them to leave my tongue.

And then Edward pulled me to him.

"I…left…you," he said, dazed. It sounded like he didn't believe what I was saying. His gripped tightened on me, crushing me to his body. I inhaled his scent. I didn't mind this at all. He released me and brought his face closer to mine, so that his breath cascaded over my face. Slowly, he moved closer, lifting my chin with his right hand so I was looking into his beautiful eyes. He brought his head down to my level, and lightly brushed his soft lips against mine. I almost melted under the touch. He had to hold my waist to support me or I would have fallen down. I closed my eyes; this was better than I remembered. _So much better_. I felt the pressure behind my eyes again as reality snapped back to me. I couldn't cry now…not now…

He pulled away, noticing the wetness on my cheeks. _Dang it_. He looked so confused and…hurt? I couldn't read his expression; there was so much emotion mixed together.

"Edward…you…you don't love me anymore," I said quickly, spitting out the last words before I could change my mind. "I don't understand."

"Neither do I," he started "But that was in another life, where I was obviously not thinking straight."

"No," I cried softly. The tears were streaming freely now. "It wasn't another life. It was a couple months ago. I…I made this…this wish after you left me." I stumbled over my words. I was not as eloquent as Edward was, but I didn't care at the moment. I did _not_ want to tell him this. "I wished that…that…you never came to Forks High School. I went to sleep, and when I woke up…" Edward figured out the rest.

"You changed the past." It wasn't a question. I nodded slowly, avoiding his gaze. There was a silence between us, and I looked down at my shoes, not knowing what to say next. "I…don't care," I heard him whisper before his lips met mine again.

We stood there kissing lightly. I didn't want to push him too far. In this version of our life, it was the first time we were together, and he wasn't as strong as he was in the later parts of our relationship. I kept my hands at my sides as to not push him further, but he kept his hands on my cheeks. Whether it was to hold me closer to him or to keep my blood from rushing to my face and tempting him, I didn't know. But frankly, I didn't care as long as I was kissing him. My heart pounded faster than when I was running for my life, and I couldn't remember a time when I was happier. I had told him our past…and he still loved me. I smiled as we continued to kiss, and I could feel him smile back.

The tenderness was interrupted when I heard a low growl from behind me. Edward became stiff, and pulled away from me quickly. I didn't know what it was. Another vampire? Someone from his family? An animal? It certainly didn't sound human at all. I turned around to see what caused Edward to change his mood so quickly.

Jacob.

_**IMPORTANT! I WILL BE IN INDIA UNTIL AUGUST 13, SO THERE WILL BE NO UPDATES UNTIL THEN. I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW I'M NOT IGNORING YOU GUYS. I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH:-)**_

**_Author's Note: I REALLY wanted to call this chapter "The Kiss" but it would _totally_ give away what happens in the chapter. :-P_**

_**Don't forget to review! Otherwise, no more Edward and Bella kissage. Hahaha.**_


	11. Broken Ties

Chapter 11: Broken Ties

_**Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took so long to be posted. I've been really busy with summer work, so I don't have as much time to write anymore. I'm going to continue the story (of course) but the updates won't be as frequent as I would like.**_

"_We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic cords of memory will swell when again touched as surely they will be by the better angels of our nature." - Abraham Lincoln_

Bella POV:

"Jake!" I exclaimed, stepping away from Edward. "What are you doing here?" Before he could respond, Edward snarled.

"Mutt," he let out under his breath. I turned around to see Edward clenching his fists, trying his hardest not to lunge at my best friend. There was an awkward silence as the two people I cared for the most stared each other down. Finally, Jacob tore his eyes away from Edward to look at me; the icy glare remained.

"I..." he paused a little, before rushing out the rest of his sentence, "decided to take a walk." I could tell he was lying. My eyes narrowed at my best friend. What did he have to hide? "But then I find you here with this- this _bloodsucker_." Every word that fell out of his mouth dripped with venom, but only the last one caught my attention. My mouth dropped open as I realized Jake _knew_. I was pondering whether he finally decided to believe Billy, or if the Cullens had accidentally exposed their secret when Edward's response nearly knocked my off my feet.

"At least I'm not a _filthy dog_."

I spun around, eyeing Edward carefully. "Do _not_ call Jake a filthy dog," I said slowly between my teeth. To my surprise, Edward just raised his eyebrow and smirked. He looked past me at Jacob; I guessed he was reading his thoughts.

"She doesn't know, does she?" Edward taunted, the smirk on his face growing bigger. I turned to face my best friend and began to close the space between us, only to be stopped by Edward grabbing my arm. "Don't go any closer. He can't control himself; he's _new_."

"Jake?" I prompted, staring at him curiously.

"Bella, I…" he trailed off, shuffling his feet on the forest floor. He looked into my eyes and sighed before continuing. "I wanted to tell you, I really did. When I found out I- I tried to stay away so I wouldn't hurt you, but I couldn't. Remember when I told you I was sick?" I nodded. "Well, I wasn't so much sick as I was…going through some…changes. After that week, I just had to see you. And I'm so sorry for keeping this from you for so long, but I wasn't allowed to tell you the truth, and I was afraid that you wouldn't accept me for who I really am." He paused, checking my face for any clues of how I was taking this. I smiled at him, motioning him to finish explaining himself. "Bella, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and it would kill me to lose you, but you have the right to know. I'm…a werewolf."

I stared at him, before rolling my eyes. "Jake, you idiot. I don't care. I mean, I'm in love with a vampire, after all." The expression on his face made me realize my mistake. I shouldn't have mentioned love.

"That's new," he said through clenched teeth. "How long have you two-" I cut him off before he could finish.

"It's a long story," I began. I took a couple steps toward him, hoping that he would let me explain everything, when Edward's hand caught my arm for the second time. I looked back at him, making sure he knew I was annoyed.

"Wolves are unstable. If he were to get angry, he would…change…" I could figure out what would happen if I wasn't careful.

"I just want to talk with my best friend. There are some things that need to be sorted out." I looked down at my arm and Edward released his grip. His eyebrows pulled together as he contemplated my request, finally giving in with a sigh.

"Okay, Bella. But when he gets angry, he's going to shake. It's a warning to you to stop the conversation. Be careful...I can't lose you now. I just found you." He lightly placed a kiss on my temple before meeting Jacob's gaze.

When Jacob and I were out of earshot for Edward, I began to tell him everything. I had hesitated to tell him the truth, but I decided that he needed to know that what Edward and I had was real, and not just an infatuation. I didn't see a way I could make him understand without me sounding like I just had a crush unless he knew the whole story. After he learned about Espere and her doings, I finished by telling him about my relationship with Edward before the spell was cast, and how we still managed to find each other given the odds. I smiled to myself, thinking about how all this _proved_ we were destined to be together. Jacob scoffed.

"Bella, he's not even human," he whined. His lower lip jutted out, creating a pout. He looked just like a puppy. I laughed. The big werewolf Jacob reminded me of a puppy. Jake's eyebrows pulled downward, a puzzled expression masking his face.

"Sorry, Jake…just some random thoughts in my head. I don't know how I can get through to you. I love Edward. I _love_ him."

"Well you don't get my blessing."

"I wasn't _asking_ for your blessing," I growled. "I just thought that you should know what happened."

"That leech is all wrong for you. You should be with someone else- someone like me." His last words were quiet, but I caught them. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. His head hung low; he seemed almost ashamed, regretful.

"Oh, Jake," I sighed, leaning against him. "I love you so much, but just not that way." I felt horrible. My eye closed to relieve the pressure building behind them. I looked up at him, forcing a smile. "You are one of the most important people to me, and that will never change. Just because I don't love you the way you want me to doesn't mean I don't love you with all I have."

"You don't love me with all you have," he said gruffly. "Because if you did, you wouldn't be running around with _him_. I just- I just don't see how this is going to work." He lifted his head to look at me, and I noticed at once that his eyes looked tired and dull. His face seemed to have aged since I started talking to him.

"What do you mean? Why can't we just be friends? Why can't things just stay the same?" I was on the verge of hysteria now. Jacob was my crutch. I needed him, I would always need him, and now he wanted to leave me.

"Bella, you _know_ that vampires and werewolves just don't associate with each other. You can't have both and still live in harmony. It's one or the other, and from the way you've been talking, it seems like you've chosen Cullen." He sounded defeated, but he didn't even fight.

I held on to his arm, pulling him closer to me. "I need you, and I love you. Please don't do this." My eyes pleaded with him, asking him to stay with me.

Jacob stood up, startling me. He took a deep breath before turning to face me. "Sorry I'm not the right kind of monster for you," he whispered. I cringed. Even in this version of my life he said that to me. I closed my eyes, letting the tears escape from the corners. They flew open at the sound of footsteps behind me. Jacob was nowhere in sight, but Edward was slowly making his way towards me.

"Are you okay?" he asked, sitting down next to me and snaking his arm around my shoulders.

"Edward," I said between sobs, "he didn't shake once."

_**Author's Note: I know it's not the best chapter, but review anyway!**_


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